Dear Annie: I am a 69-year-old woman from a small town and will be celebrating my 50th wedding anniversary this year. The problem is, two years ago, I found out my 69-year-old husband was having an affair with a 20-year-old.

Although I can remember being suspicious of "Ralph" at least once in the past, this was the only time I had proof he actually was being unfaithful. (I found a letter the girl had written to him.) I don't know how long this business was going on, but I assume it started at the same time Ralph stopped being intimate with me.

I confronted Ralph with the letter, and he told me the affair was over. However, if I bring it up even now, he is still very quick to come to this girl's defense, and I can tell she still is often on his mind. Even though he insists he has stopped seeing her, I suspect he hasn't, because I am pretty sure he is in love with her.

Considering the enormous age difference, I don't know what they could possibly have in common, other than sex. We have some money in savings, and I am afraid this girl has ulterior motives and may trap Ralph by becoming pregnant.

Dear Va.: We can't tell you whether or not to stay with Ralph, who apparently is desperate to feel young again. Only you can decide if he's worth it. But see a lawyer anyway, to be sure you are protected, legally, should he leave you.

It would be helpful if you could convince Ralph to come with you for some sessions with a counselor. If not, please go without him so you can make the decision that is best for you.

I am not crazy about the city I live in, although I love my job and most of the people I work with. I want to be honest about leaving to be with my family, but I also do not want to be let go before I am ready.

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